The first book

After our last few days with starting to talk about what is going on with my Son I have had a couple people tell me that I needed to get the books by Jenny McCarthy. While on a quick stop by Wal-Mart I picked up her book "Louder Than Words". I can't put it down and am already on the 10th chapter. I am totally consumed. Every word in this book relates to what we are dealing with right now.

Throughout the book Jenny goes on to talk about when they found the Doctor that diagnosed her Son and when he told her it was Autism. She said if it were all the things that she thought were so dear and perfect to her about her son were now actual indicators that her Son had a problem. They are called a STIM. One thing that really stuck out to her was when he got really excited he would flap his arms...that is Max.

These last few months in my heart I have known deep down that something just wasn't right but quickly tucked those thoughts away because my Son is perfect to me and hearing someone say to me that he has a problem would be very hard to take. Jenny talked about how people would start to point out to her that he was different than other children his age. The first person that told her this was her Mother-in -law. She said she became very angry because how dare she label her grandson as different! This struck a chord with me because my Mom has been saying this for quite sometime but I just didn't want to hear it. You just don't like to hear those things about your child.

I know now that I as his Mother need and WILL do everything I can to make him be a thriving healthy child...he deserves that! My heart has been so heavy and I feel at any minute I could burst into tears. I can't do that though...I have to be strong and I don't want my kids to see me broken. I need to be that strong tower for them.

This evening there was such a sweet moment at my Mom and Dad's house. Max is loving and always has been, especially towards me. While we were playing he ran to me and just hugged me and laid his head on my shoulder. I kept whispering in his ear "ahhh, ahhh" like a Mother does to her child when she is being loved on. When he heard me he then repeated it back to me. My Mom heard him and we all had huge smiles on our faces because now things that seem so small are going to feel huge to us.

I know that we haven't gotten a diagnoses yet and it may be awhile before we get one. The last thing I want to do is label him something that he is not. But now talking with more people about it, doing research and reading this book I know that my Son needs help.

We will do everything for that to happen...