Balance...

I am longing to have this in our life but am having a hard time finding it. Lately there seems to be no balance in our life. I am struggling with knowing what to do because I am being pulled a million different directions. I am a wife, a Mom to two children, a Daughter, a friend and a stay at home Mother who has a full time job taking care of what needs to be done here at home. These are just a short few that I could list. I know that all of you Mothers out there know that being a stay at home Mom is hard work and you are just as exhausted as a Mom who has a career and attends a job everyday.

In between all of this I somehow have to find room for 4 therapists to come into our home to work with our Son. This is exhausting...and I'm tired! I know that it seems I am complaining but I am really not. I am so thankful for all of Max's therapists. They have been a huge help and we love them very much. I just need help with how to Balance everything else in life. It is very important for Max to get the proper attention that he needs. So this is our priority. But I still need to be a Mom to Halle and a wife to Brandon. We still need to do things as a Family and with our Family. As I have mentioned before I have to do therapy with Max all week when the therapists aren't here. You need to have carry over because he won't get better without it.

I know that our life will never be what it was and in some ways I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the help that we have received and that Max has gotten a diagnosis so young. I am very thankful for all of these things.
But could you just pray for me...pray that I don't become overwhelmed and that I can learn to Balance all of those things that I have mentioned.

I very much want all of this for Max but I also want the Balance back in our life...

Special Times...

The other day while Max's Occupational therapist was here, we had a conversation. I wanted to know about other Autistic children that she has worked with. I am always looking for more information and tend to be curious about other children, because honestly other than my Son I have only ever been introduced to a few. Since every Autistic child is unique in their own way you can't compare them because Autism is such a huge spectrum. Some children excel in certain areas more so than others but the others might be great in something else.

So anyway I was asking her about other children because the night before I happened to be looking over some pictures of Max. I can't help but think of how blessed we are that Max is as healthy as he is. By looking at these pictures I realized how thankful we are that he can look at us and smile because some parents pray for that everyday. I have learned to appreciate the small things on a whole new level. A smile in our home is huge to us!


The day I posted about the ABA therapy we were having an extremely hard day. That evening I was sitting relaxing for a bit and the kids were playing. I noticed that Max had looked at me, he stopped what he was doing, crawled up on the chair and gave me a kiss and got right back down and went about playing. In that moment I knew that even though he may not be able to talk to me...Everything is going to be ok. I had talked to a relative that has a daughter with special needs and she said "Amanda, that is God's way of letting you know that he is going to take care of you and Max". I couldn't think of a more perfect time, it is like he just knew that I needed that. That moment was so special to me just like the pictures I capture of him smiling!

Thank you Lord for giving me these special times to remember, they mean so much!

ABA- Applied Behavior Analysis

This morning was extremely hard for me as we started ABA. A day that I won't soon forget but I know deep down that I have to keep pushing for Max to continue to get better. As I have said before that Max was required to have ABA therapy and I am completely on board with this. But it is so hard to watch as your little Boy is screaming the whole way through it. As Max's Mom I know most of his wants and needs and I have learned this on a whole new level since he was diagnosed with Autism. Some Autistic children will not show you what they want or take you to what they want. This is one positive with Max because he will do this. But when he does this he will not involve speech. We want him to communicate with us whether it is speech or sign language.

While Max's therapist was here we used the approach of the ABA. Max wanted the TV on and I knew that he wanted it. He would bring me the remote but we wanted more, I know that he can say the T sound because he does it frequently. And he has said it for TV. So we told him the T sound and you wait it out until they give you speech or sign for what they are requesting. Max screamed for half an hour. Throwing himself at me wanting me to comfort him in some way. It is a horrible thing to watch. By the end of the therapy session I was crying and Bobbie was crying. I have to find the will deep down inside not to give in to him. I am doing this for his own good because I know that he can do this. So, when they do finally give you speech or the sign you are to reward them with the request that they want. The first few times are going to be long and agonizing but each time it becomes less and less of a struggle.

It is an awful experience and it brings you to the lowest of lows but I have been told that with time it does get better. I am praying that I can get through this. The next few weeks are going to be hard for us but I have to keep a positive outlook and think of the big picture. I am doing this for him!
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On another more exciting note we met with Max's new therapist Karen and we love her. She is absolutely fantastic. And we also ordered Max's Vitamins and Minerals yesterday from California and they should be here this week. I am so anxious to get him started on them.

What you Believe...

I am going to discuss something that hits a nerve with me. Something that as a parent you should never have to hear even if you are in denial...because frankly you are the parent and who has the right to tell you anything negative about your child whom has special needs.

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with someone whom I thought I could receive good advice from. Boy did I think wrong. As a Christian I have turned to the Lord a lot over the last few months looking for him to lead me in the right direction. What direction would be best for Max. I have struggled, cried, and have wondered why this had to happen to him. Yes I have questioned God and I know that you never should because we need to believe that his will is what is best for us. But I am human and wonder WHY! In my heart I truly believe 100% that if it is the Lords will he will heal our little Boy if he chooses, simply because he can. With that said, I also believe as a parent you need to have Hope for your children, Hope in everything really. So anyway I was having this conversation with this person and she says to me~
"Amanda, I hope that you aren't in denial. I just don't want you to get your hopes up because your Son may never progress".

Now I know that Autism is going to be a life long thing. I know that throughout Max's life he is going to need help. I know that we will entirely love this little Boy no matter what and we are completely ok with how he is going to be because he is our Son. It is God's will. BUT this doesn't mean that I am not going to try and do everything in my power to get him the proper help. This doesn't mean that I am going to just give up on everything that we have tried because people don't think that it is medically proven. I can tell you, my husband and family can tell you that our Son is a different child since we have started the Diet and Therapy...So yes it is working. How dare someone that doesn't even know my Son tell me such a thing.

This person works in a setting where she helps Autistic children. And this person works where we were going to have our new kind of Therapy hence the reason why we have looked else where. It is sad that people choose to be so negative. Honestly it makes me sick that people like that are working with children who need help.

I believe in my heart that if you love your child, love the Lord and work with them they are going to make progress in some way or another. Whether it is something so small as smiling when they see you or clapping when they do a good job to as big as talking in full sentences and learning to tie their shoes. It is all still progress and no one should ever tell you not to Hope...

Once you choose hope, anything's possible...

I can't believe that it has been almost a month since I have posted on here. We have been very busy with getting things into order around here. We are trying to get things to fall into place exactly where we want them and being excited for the decisions that we have made thus far. There have been so many times that I have wanted to stop exactly what I was doing and post about Max and what he has learned or something silly that he did that day. Sadly I just can't do that.

Just recently I purchased one of these calendars and I'm in LOVE! I was never the kind of person that had to have a calendar/organizer. I guess I just didn't have that much going on to ever need one. Now I must say that I have to have this. Max has something going on almost everyday of the week and for my sanity I thought that it was a good idea to have one. My mind is constantly going in a million different directions and I knew that at one point I would have goofed up somewhere.




So I guess you are all wondering how our Big Boy is doing. Well he is doing fantastic! I have to say that Max has been such a joy. His mood has changed significantly for the better. He is such a happy Boy. Which means to us that is frustration level is going down. His therapists have been so excited with how therapy has been. We also started a new Private Speech therapist that we love. She is just fantastic and so full of Hope! She is very optimistic that Max will speak and progress. Oh how I love to hear these things. As a parent you strive to do the very best for your kids and to hear words of encouragement lets you know that you are on the right track.


We did run into a wall last week with the organization that was to do Max's ABA therapy. We did not have a very good experience with them. Which has led me to switch to a different organization that does the same thing. I have heard many good things about there program and I am hoping that it fits well with us and most importantly Max. We start the process with them the beginning of Feburary. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated that everything goes smoothly and Max takes well to them.
I will do everything that I can possibly do for this sweet little boy...He deserves that!

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible." ~Christopher Reeve

6 month review

I still can't believe that Max has been in the early intervention program for 6 months. I think back to when all of this started. All of the emotions of knowing deep down that something wasn't right, but trying to find him the proper help through Therapy and Doctors was quite overwhelming. Thinking back makes me happy at how far we've come. As someone told me " Amanda the hard part is over, he has the diagnosis. Now you can run with it get him the help that he needs" This is so true. While I knew that my Son had Autism it still hurt hearing those words come from the Doctor. Yes we are going to have many rough days ahead and I am fully aware of that. But I do believe that the worst is behind us.

Max has been doing very well. He is learning new things on a regular basis. The therapists are so excited with his progress but we still have a long way to go. We just started the Jenny McCarthy videos. Max seems to love them! Right now we are on the "Teach to Talk-body parts".

I have a cute story to share. When the four of us were in the car the other day, Halle was saying something to her Daddy and she said "Good Job" as soon as Max heard her say that he started clapping! He can relate hearing Good Job with clapping. I just think that is fantastic. He has come so far in 6 months.

We also meet with a private speech therapist after the Holiday to see what she has to offer Max. I am just so thankful for all of those that have shared information with us. We want to do all that we possibly can for him. I love any new information I can get my hands on. I am constantly thinking -Ok what can we try next? This is my Job as Max's Mom to learn all that I can.

This next week we are going to take a little break and then it is back into full swing. Therapy will be everyday of the week at that point. While it may be hard at first we are hoping to see big steps in the right direction. Early Intervention is a huge key...We just pray that we are doing everything right!

This morning I cried...


I cried because for the first time he drank out of his cup without being prompted too...

I cried because he sat in his High chair like a Big Guy and fed himself...

he was so proud of himself...

This morning I cried because this little Boy is trying so hard. We are soo proud of him and what he is learning...